Your Mockroscope For The Month

Lazy Eye

 

Aries – Some kids compete in spelling bees while others in The Chemistry Olympics. Do you possess a special nerd skill that could be turned into a semi-cool sounding competition?

Taurus – No one knows you better than you. This month, host an intervention for yourself by yourself. You'll get a lot out of it (just remember: denial is your enemy).

Gemini – Give your children a push start in life and give them names that are also verbs. A few suggestions: Crush, Itch, and Whistle. With a verb name, your child will be a doer and not a follower.

Pisces – Echoes are one of the most unutilised forms of speech. This month, learn to project your voice to create an echo. For an example, just look to how the White Australia policy is still echoing in modern Australia.

Cancer – Use your sales skills for a greater good. Africa is currently without a Formula 1 Grand Prix race. Support the Dark Continent in hosting an F1 race. To help your sales pitch, I’ve heard that Nigeria practically gives its oil away.

Leo – Turning 40 soon? Instead of having a birthday party, have a farewell for your six-pack.

Virgo – Something has been greatly troubling you of late. Put your mind at ease because you’re right: Miley Cyrus did kill Hanna Montana just like Darth Vader killed Anakin Skywalker.

Libra – Through production and consumption, 40% of all food worldwide is wasted. If you’re wasting food anyway, why not organise your town to host the world’s largest food fight? This way the wasted food can be used to boost local tourism. Play your cards right and this will be your major platform into public office. 

Scorpio – Science has yet to find out why there is a relationship between sexual thoughts and sneezing. This month, don’t take antihistamines and enjoy the changing seasons just that much more.

Sagittarius – It’s ok to be indecisive about whether or not you sit on the fence.

Capricorn – According to the song, The Vengaboys’ bus went to on a trip to where “happiness is just around the corner.” If you were driving The Venga Bus, where would you go?

Aquarius – Wearing one pant leg rolled up can be functional if you ride a bike, but it's also an industrious sign that you have drugs for sale. This month, create a dual-function fashion trend.
 

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