|  Since
this was my seventh attempt, it is an anniversary I am particularly
proud of. Although this hurdle was very difficult to overcome,
it was made a bit easier when I viewed it in practical terms.
Since I was successful this time I feel obligated to share
my thinking with others. Maybe hearing what I have to say
will prompt others to quit, and learn to enjoy life without
smoking.
Why
did I begin the habit in the first place? It was ultimately
my choice to begin smoking. I chose to emulate this aspect
of my father's life because he smoked, and he was like a
God to me. He was so strong, and appeared so healthy despite
his smoking. I felt that if he could smoke and be healthy,
then probably everything I've heard about the habit didn't
apply to us because we were tough guys, we were invincible.
In fact, cigarette smoking was a badge of toughness that
I displayed from my teenaged years, into my adulthood in
the military. I soon found I wasn't alone in my thinking
and participated in many 'breaks' where I found camaraderie
amongst other smokers.
I had a feeling back then that I might someday be sorry
for my foolish thinking, but I was a rebel and wasn't going
to be scared into quitting. In fact, I would actually scoff
at those who tried to warn me about the dangers of the habit,
and I would do foolish things. I would look at them with
a mischievous smile and pop two cigarettes into my mouth
lighting them both at once. Or I would chain smoke on purpose
just to illustrate the strength of my conviction to smoke.
In a nut-shell, I refused to consider my mortality.
Another reason I smoked was for an emotional crutch. They
seemed to be a necessary tool in my coping with everyday
stresses. If I had an argument and I was angry, I smoked
a lot. If I was involved in a car accident, I smoked even
more. I smoked more when I felt nervous. I'd frequently
go outside and smoke prior to seeing the doctor or dentist.
When I was lonely, I would smoke. When I was in the hospital
and barely able to walk, I would painfully, and stubbornly
hobble from the fourth floor all the way to the smoke shelter
outside which was located about a block away. Shamefully,
to feed my nicotine hunger, I'd make this trip at least
twelve times everyday.
 I
didn't only need negative events to prompt me to light up.
As a matter of fact I had an abundance of good reasons to
do so. I had to have a cigarette after any meal, before
bed, whenever I had a cup of coffee, the smoke-break at
work, every time I got in the car, and even when I went
to the bathroom. Now that I think about it. I must say I
didn't really need a reason to smoke at all. I simply lit
up whenever I had the chance. This just goes to show how
powerful this addiction is.
My
reasons for quitting are many. I began thinking about how
I took my health for granted all these years. How could
I expect to remain healthy and vital if I was slowly poisoning
myself. I began to see that my smoking was akin to self-mutilation.
The only difference was the fact that I couldn't readily
see the damage I was causing myself, making it easy for
me to pretend that I wasn't hurting myself at all.
Another
reason I quit smoking was that it got to the point that
every night when I tried to go to sleep, the wheezing my
lungs were doing kept me awake. Then, in the mornings I
coughed and hacked as if I were trying to regurgitate a
piano. Although this was painful, and I would cough to the
point of loosing my voice, I was more concerned with having
my wife seeing me cough like that than I was that I was
killing myself! To that end, I was embarrassed that I didn't
seem to be the tough guy I always thought I was.
Quitting
also became a question of economics. Aside from making someone
else rich by spending between $150 and $180 per month to
kill myself, I was having to subtract that money from my
family’s budget. This was very difficult during a
time when I was ill, and my income ceased to exist. During
this time my family needed every dollar we had just to keep
essentials, but selfishly I was quite literally burning
many of those much needed dollars just to feed my habit.
Am
I glad that I quit? You’d better believe it! Since
I quit, I have been surprised at how much better my sense
of smell is. I can also taste things much more strongly.
I only thought I liked Chinese food before, and now that
I've quit, all food tastes much brighter and better. Also,
when I went to an all-night diner that I regularly frequent,
I couldn't drink their coffee anymore
because now that my taste buds were working, I discovered
that it tasted really nasty!
I
am also breathing much easier. In fact, this is a benefit
I felt only a few weeks after I quit. In addition, since
I quit, I have not yet woke up coughing and hacking. I am
not saying that I am back to my pre-smoking health, but
I am much better off now than I would be if I had continued
to smoke throughout the past year.
Now
that I have discontinued my smoking habit, I find that the
smell of cigarette smoke revolts me. I find that I no longer
wish to breath even second hand smoke. I try to convince
people that quitting would be the best thing they could
ever do for themselves, but they seem to think as I had
in the past. I point out to them the things I have been
able to buy myself since I no longer have that expense:
a new computer, scanner, CD player and more. I enjoy spending
my money on things other than cigarettes, and I now scoff
at the cigarette companies rather than concerned friends.
Smoking
is a habit that is akin to self mutilation, and is something
that every smoker should rethink. It may be a habit that
seems all too powerful to overcome, and they may think they
actually like to do it, but I submit that on some level,
every smoker wishes they could quit. I also submit that
smokers are ultimately in charge of all their limbs, hands,
and fingers. They can quit if they want, they can simply
cease to light up again. I speak from experience; that's
how I quit.
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