It
was her call that reminded me of my disability that, in
turn, prompted me to write about just that: disability.
I
am legally blind. This means that my vision is poor to
the point that I can't read books, the newspaper, my mail,
or anything else that most people can read. At the grocery
store, I can't read the item locator boards hanging above
the aisle entrances, nor can I read prices of anything.
I can't use vending machines where I have to know how
much something is then know what number and letter to
push to get a particular item out. I can't read any road
signs, nor can I read billboards. I can't look at the
clock and know what time it is, and I can't look at the
oven knob to tell what temperature it is on. I can't figure
out my remote control for the DVD/VCR, which, when operating,
I can barely see anyway, and I can't read the directions
for anything. Fortunately, these shortfalls mean I'm only
disabled, not dead.
I
can see lots of things. I can see to walk around, though
I often accidentally walk into doorframes with my shoulder.
I can see to check the mail, and take out the trash. If
I am careful, I can vacuum the floor and put away the
dishes. I can make my bed, and I can wash clothes.
I
can do enough in fact, for people to question the legitimacy
of my legal blindness claim. I don't walk around with
a sign indicating my visual status, as I probably should.
A sign might be more believable to people than me simply
stating I'm legally blind since I'm not always wearing
sunglasses or using a cane to help me get around. As it
happens, I get angry and embarrassed when I have to tell
someone I am legally blind only to have them sound as
if they don't believe me.
Thankfully
though, humorous events always seem to take the serious
edge off my situation when I really need a laugh. For
this reason, I think it's important to be able to recognize
humorous situations when they occur.
For
instance, one evening we had chilidogs and beans for supper.
Well, being the independent person that I am, I didn't
hesitate to construct my own. I inserted the dog into
my bun, and then ladled on what I thought was the chili.
When I sat down to eat, my wife and everyone sitting at
the table frantically informed me that I put beans on
my hotdog instead of chili. I laughed at my mistake, and
ate the bean-dog anyway. I figured that I'd just make
the next dog-dog right, and be happy. I went back to the
stove with my hotdog in the bun and this time reached
for the contents of what I thought was the other pot containing
the chili. Little did I know someone had inadvertently
switched the pans, and I again put beans on my dog. I
couldn't help but laugh with the rest of my family.
Another
funny thing happened one day when, my wife was preparing
a salad upon which she added sliced black olives. I spotted
the recently emptied olive can sitting there on the counter.
Thinking I was slick, I quickly snagged what I thought
was a lone slice of olive that had been left behind, and
quickly popped it in my mouth. Instead of tasting wonderful
olive, I tasted a substance that had been sitting in the
drain of the sink all day. Unfortunately for me, my wife
put it in the olive can to be thrown away. I still don't
know what the mystery substance was, but it was really
nasty.
It should be mentioned here that in certain ways many
of the concerns of the blind are felt also by other disabled
people. A most common area where physical limitations
impact upon all disabled people is known as Activities
of Daily Living or ADL's. ADL's include items such as
bathing, dressing, paying bills, taking medication, household
maintenance, cooking and many of the activities I mentioned
I can't do at the beginning of this article.
Disabled
people have problems in other areas of life as well. One
such area is emotional well-being. It should be obvious
to you that sudden dependence on others adds up to depression,
frustration and anger. After becoming visually impaired,
for a few months I was able to hide from myself and everyone
else that I had any negative emotions about the situation.
It was after realizing that I would never drive again,
nor would I ever again be the respected bricklayer that
I was that I comprehended how angry I was, and told my
wife how I wanted to "go off" on something.
I just wanted to throw a fit to release the anger I was
feeling.
I
think the most constructive emotional help that can be
afforded a disabled person is to not be made to feel like
a burden. I speak from experience when I say most disabled
people having to depend on others already feel that way.
It's also important to realize that disabled people resent
disingenuous family and friends who only help them simply
because they feel obligated. This is readily picked up
on by those individuals who are sensitive to being burdensome.
As a consequence of disingenuous caregivers, additional
feelings of sadness, anger, depression, decreased self-esteem
or any combination of these can be expected.
Another
area of concern for the disabled is social interaction
with others. Everyone knows how it feels to be cooped
up at home for an entire weekend, and everyone should
know how good it feels to be out among friends and family
actively participating in life. Now, imagine that in order
for you to ever effectively participate in life, someone
would have to give you a bath, dress you, transport you,
help feed you and take you to the bathroom. Wouldn't you
rather just stay at home? I would!
To
that end, being visually impaired has made me reluctant
to leave home and be an active participant in my own life
because I find I can't participate independently. Furthermore,
I resent the constant reminders that others have to be
there for me, almost as if I were a child. Some of these
reminders are things as simple as needing someone to read
menus for me, or identify specific items on buffets, or
needing to stay with someone when at large department
stores because it's easy for me to get lost.
Another
area to consider is the damage to self worth. Self-esteem
and confidence suffer since the disabled person is now
unable to continue with fulfilling tasks that once gave
his life more meaning. After being out of work for about
a year, I was shopping with my wife at a large department
store. I noticed someone was waving but couldn't tell
who it was. Upon questioning the faceless figure, I recognized
his voice to be that of Scott, a fellow bricklayer whom
I worked with for 5 years. I'm still troubled by how inadequate
I felt standing there telling him about my problems. It
was as if I wasn't a person anymore, wasn't a man, but
instead was an unfortunate victim of one of life's cruel
twists.
To
sum this all up, sudden dependence on others alone is
enough to diminish self worth, and can be further diminished
by people who are neither supportive, nor genuine. It's
these feelings of low self worth that lead many disabled
people to depression. The good news is that there are
ways to deal with newfound disabilities; one of which
is humor. Ultimately, it is up to the disabled person
to come to terms with the disability, and accept that
he or she will have to meet some new challenges.
Copyright
Daniel Taverne 2005
Daniel
Taverne is a Disabled Veteran living in Louisiana. He
is married and has a stepdaughter. You can view his blog
at http://dtaverne.blogspot.com
