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1)
Skynyrd don't rock. Stoned or straight.
 2)
That slice of pepperoni and mushroom pizza isn't
talking to you. Just eat it already.
3)
The character Yoshi in the computer game Mario Kart is not
a secret nod to stoned gamers everywhere. Same goes for
Yoda.
3) After 45 minutes of getting reamed on an exercise bike
you probably should have realised sooner that a 'spin' class
wasn't going to have anything to do with mixing
tobacco and weed in a shot glass. Drag.
4)
Don't, under any circumstances, ever try to tune
in a Nintendo 64 to a television when you're stoned. Trouble's
brewing.
5)
When you're ripped to the eyeballs it isn't the
right time to attend that family dinner/have that deep and
meaningful with your girlfriend/talk to the boss about a
pay raise. At ease, solider! Sit back down on the couch
and think of Jell-O.
 6)
If you're trying to hide the fact you're stoned, getting
rid of those wicker slippers and three bottles of 'Clear
Eyes' would be a good start. You're a disgrace,
man!
7)
It isn't ridiculously funny whenever Jamie Oliver
pulls out a saucepan on the telly and says the word 'pot'.
8)
No matter how firmly you believe it, you could not
survive on a diet of breakfast burritos and Cheezels for
the rest of your life.
9)
The local council are not sending you diabolical,
subliminal messages with their 'KEEP OFF THE GRASS' signs.
(but if you're reading this while stoned YOU ARE
GOING TO DIE TONIGHT)
10)
It's not worth a mission to the casino just to
look at the multicoloured species on display in the foyer's
oversized fish tank.
11)
They're not looking at you, and so long as you stop that
incessant giggling, they won't know you're stoned.
Ezy
Reading is out every Monday.
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